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Finally, certifiable proof that the mods can be easily bent to my will.
This is just step 1 in my plan for total domination.
Edit: Banned for posting in a spam thread
WHICH I DELIBERATELY POSTED IN TO GET BANNED OH SHIT
TAKE THAT POOZY OH FUCK
2010-07-23 20:53:57 by iateamexican
And it's full of BEES
Also, Bioshock Infinite.
GOTY, all years, forever.
So, theres a million and one threads on zombies, a zombie survival club and everything.
Everyone seems to post in these threads with things such as looting a nearby gunshop for 25 M4's for all their "friends" and a million RPG's with unlimited ammo.
I thought it would be a cool idea to do a new News Post about what you would or could actually do in the event of a zombie invasion.
Or just comment about nothing.
Anyways, heres mine.
I wrote it quite a while ago, and put it in a zombie thread...
Theres a massive place nearby my house, a big warehouse full of food and materials.
Its actually not near my house, but chances are reports of zombies will come in fast, maybe before they get to my area, so we can move fast, lock up in there and survive for a while.
It is, however near a housing estate, so if it is spreading around my area, there will be lots nearby, and fast...
Driving on the motorway would be stupid, as the nearest motorway leads straight to the hospital, which lots of people will be driving to after being bitten, and so car crashes are likely, and when your pinned down with zombies crawling through reckage next to you.. not good.
We do, however, live quite close to the yorkshire moors. It may risk going on the motorway, but its probably the safest place. We have lots of blankets in the house, since its a guest house (11 beds and 2 sleeping bags which can be zipped together for extra warmth, as well as a few hot water bottles) so staying warm wont be THAT much of a problem. We could take some basic weapons with us, like knives, which may help with protection from animals (not very likely, but better to be prepared, right?) as well as the living dead. Food could a problem, as we wouldnt have much means of cooking, it'll either rain or snow up there, so fire might be hard to come across, but im sure we could manage. If the worst comes to the worst, we could always burn a blanket. Also, finding things to eat, and i mean actual things, crisps and biscuits are just sugar, would be hard...
We could move far away from the road, as my dad goes walking a lot and knows most of the areas, he also has several maps, incase we got lost. Again, being a guest house, we have quite a few batteries lying around and several torches which could be useful if we needed to move fast during the night. We have a few radios to keep in touch with the outside world, so we would know when it would be safe to return.
All in all i think our best bet would be to get onto the hills, and wait it out.
This probably isnt a revolutionary or even very original, but oh fucking well.
Im giving you people the chance to decide what to put into my userpage.
And none of that faggy "Ill see what comes in, and sort the good from the bad" shit.
You post it, it goes in, word for word (ill edit any errors out, obviously).
Also, as the first comment has been posted ive decided to make this into a story of sorts.
In the beggining, IrishGun found a wild Mexican while skipping in the forest. He ate it, and then became Iateamexican. Little did he know, he was Iateamexican's alt.
This is the story of that alt.
Iateamexican is a big faggot that likes to suck donkey cock, and while he is sucking the cocks he likes being raped up the ass by a deformed pig that is having it's piggy bodily fluids drained from a tube which is then refined with human faeces and vomit to make a nutritious smoothie that he loves to drink in his spare time while fucking more donkeys.
He then awakens from this extremly erotic dream to discover that he has creamed himself in the night. As he walks to the bathroom to clean off his blood coloured man juices he notices his son's baseball bat on the ground. He promptly shoves it into his rectum causing great pleasure as spooge covers the wall, ceiling, and several small african children.
Meanwhile, Mr. Ricardo, his Hispanic manslave, was cooking sausage in the kitchen. He shoved it up his butt and died. >:(
Upon reaching the dead body, iateamexican stood in horror.
"Who will fuck my brains out?" he solemnly asked. Immediately, a group of ninjas jumped in through the window, and gave him the most savage rape he had ever experienced. He loved every second of it, and the spooge in his rectum was only dwarfed by his cum on the floor.
Now that he had had his daily morning gangrape, he decided to go into town.
Iateamexican was having a gay old time in the town.
At one point, he even crushed an old ladies head with his massive phallicle extremity!
Her brains where so warm and moist, it was like grey, bloody ecstacy.
BUT HEY, Iateamexican had forgotten the whole reason he come to town!
It was to get some meat!
So he skipped to the butchers shop around the corner, but alas, the butcher wasnt there, and Iateamexican needed meat, and FAST!
Iateamexican grabbed the butchers knife off the chopping board infront of him, and walked into the back.
The first person he saw was the butchers assistant. He was cutting up large chunks of beef with the meat slicer, and didnt even hear Iateamexican coming. Iateamexican smashed his head with the end of the butchers knife and grabbed his hair, shoving his face into the nearby meat grinder.
A mush of bone and blood come out of the other side.
He didnt scream for long.
Well, iateamexican was bored now, and he had his meat, so thought it was about time to go home.
While all this commotion had been going on, Iateamexican's son, Iateamexican Jr. came down the stairs, with a huge boner he had from his thoughts of 12-year old boys. He just recently got a good fuck from his 15-year old sister. He shouted to his father "Dad, why is there shit and cum on my baseball bat?" No answer. He found a note that said "I'm going out on the town son! Be back in a few hours. Also, check in the kitchen, i made lunch!"
Iateamexican Jr. saw Mr. Ricardos dead body in there. He got aroused by his corpse, so he dropped his pants and fucked it. Fucked it up real good too. Cum was all over the kitchen.
But whats this, a knock at the door!?
Just as Iateamexican Jr. went to open it, Ted Bundy burst through the door, holding his erect 30 inch penis in one hand, "IATEAMEXICAN JR. I NEED YOUR ASS." Bundy roared his Bundy scream and tore across the room at the boy, bending him over he forced his schlong inside his asshole. Iateamexican Junior let out a whimper as the 30 inch stick of man meat began to rupture his internal organs.
After a good half hour of assfucking and organ rupturing, Bundy splooged inside what was left of the childs body, as he pulled out of the asshole the child fell to the floor, dead, bundy lay back and let out a sigh of satisfaction.
Iateamexican's daughter came down. She was still aroused from her 12-year old brothers fuck last night. She called out his name: "Iateamexican Jr! Where are you? Wanna fuck again?". No answer. She came through to the kitchen, only to see her brothers' and Mr. Ricardos dead body in the room. Although Iateamexican Jr. was completely destroyed, it still turned her on, along with Mr. Ricardo. Unfortunately, she couldn't fuck them; she didn't have a dick. She Looked up to see the door smashed to pieces, with blood stained shards of wood lying everywhere, and through the massive hole, she saw a dark silhouette holding what would appear to be a giant, floppy penis..
Iateamexican's daughter saw the man, but rather than being scared, she began to feel horny and got incredibly wet. She asked "Can i please suck your penis, good sir?" The man moved closer and said, "No thank you, I'm a homosexual. I was the one that raped and killed your brother."
Iateamexican's daughter was shocked. She immediately reacted in a most violent manor, and cut off the end of his cock with a large knife. "You killed my brother and daddys sex slave!" The man sighed. "Aww, I don't have a penis anymore. You really suck. I WILL AVENGE THE DEATH OF MY COCK!" The man teleported away. Then another silhouette came about in the giant hole... it was Iateamexican. He asked, "WHY IS THERE THIS HUGE FUCKING HOLE HERE? Oh well.. ILL FUCK IT ANYWAY!" At this, Iateamexican dropped his pants and realised there was a man dressed in a clown suit where his dick should be. Immediately, Iateamexican started rubbing this clown hard, and then his daughter started sucking it. After the clown was full of semen, they took off his mask and it turned out to be Mechabloby.
"HAI MECHABLOBY LOL WUT U DOION DOWN THAR?" Cried Iateamexican
"SORRY I THOURT IUR PENIS WAS A DEAD RABBIT" Responded Mechabloby, worried that his fox-sucking days would be over soon.
"OH I UDNERSTAND LOL, IT HAPPENS 2 ALLL OF UZ" Chuckled Iateamexican.
Relieved, Mechabloby replied with a simple "FAREWELL LOL" and ran out, because he saw a dead dog on the road that wasn't full of semen yet.
Eventually all went quiet, sudenly there was a rattling sound. Iateamexican crept downstairs, and found fat-barry masturbating to a cook book. "It's not what it looks like!!" he screamed.
He then grabbed iatemexican's dog and shot it through the skull, and began to romp it. "See i can be normal!"
Mechabloby then burst in and tried to pull the dog away from fat-barry. " TIS MINE!" roared mecha. Eventually the dog split in two, and mecha and fat-barry happily settled to using it's blood as lube.
Jesus, this is one awesome day, thought iatemexican.
Mechabloby was fucking the dead dog on the street, semen burst out of his penis. About 10 gallons worth of semen just came pouring out! Done with his fuck, he turned away; and he saw a man with a thirty inch plastic penis. Mechabloby said "Well, hello there! What's up?" The man impaled Mechabloby with his fake penis, and within five seconds, Mechabloby was completely destroyed. Suddenly, E-lord and Iateamexican's wife drove home from work. They saw what Ted Bundy did and attempted to run him over.
The man evaded the car, and burst into the backseat window. "I'M GONNA FUCK ANY GUYS I SEE IN THIS CAR!" He screamed. Since e-lord was driving, it was up to Iateamexican's wife to do something. She grabbed a pistol, and shot the man in the shoulder. He whailed in his failure. "Why the fuck did you kill Mechabloby?!" Iateamexicans wife asked. The man laughed and replied "Well, I want to fuck every single male, and destroy them afterwards.... and I've killed most men except for some individuals in Iateamexican's house AND e-lord. I don't fuck women though; I'm a homosexual." And with that, the man teleported inside the house...
E-lord and Iateamexican's wife immediately came out of the car and ran into the house. They saw Iateamexican's daughter, and armed her with weapons...
E-lord, Iateamexican's wife, and Iateamexican's daughter ran to the basement, However, they couldn't get in... THE DOOR WAS SEALED SHUT!
Could this be the end of Iateamexican?
fat-barry shriveled in fear. Iateamexican asked, "WHO ARE YOU, HUGE DICK GUY?!"
The man looked appalled. "I'm not huge dick guy. I'M TED BUNDY." Iateamexican replied, "No one fucking cares. What do you want?" "I want to rape you, and then destroy you." "Ha! I'd like to see you try." Ted Bundy, enraged, jammed his huge plastic dick up fat-barry's ass, and destroyed him in 3 seconds. Iateamexican looked astonished. "Well, ya know.... I CAN DO THAT TOO!" Iateamexican's penis grew sixty inches, twice as big as the man's penis! "OMG YOUR FROM THE PROPHESCY" the man screamed. "GTFO" Iateaemexican replied. "NO U. Anyway, there's a destined battle; one man a villain, one man an anit-hero. The anti-hero has a sixty-inch dick, one has a thirty inch dick. They will battle to determine the fate of the world!" "THEN LETS DO THIS THANG BITCH!" The two charged to each other, ready for battle!
Iateamexican's wife suddenly realized, she had a grenade in her pocket! She told E-lord to take her daughter to a safe place, just in case the man tries to kill her for chopping his dick off. Iatemaexcan's wife threw the grenade at the door, completely obliterating it. Iateamexican and Ted Bundy looked up to see what was going on. Iateamexican's wife shot Ted Bundy 20 times with a shotgun. "HEY! I was about to save the world, then you come in and save it instead!" said iateamexican. "Oh! I'm sorry sweetie. Lets fuck, and forget about it." "That sounds goo-" Iateamexican was interrupted when a huge cock impaled his wife and chopped her in half vertically. "WUT?!" Iateamexican hollered. Ted Bundy laughed. "WTF YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!!!" "Heh... I can't die by bullets! I can only die by dick. The same for you too." said bundy. "Alright then.... I WILL AVENGE HER DEATH! YAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Iatamexican charged, but Ted Bundy evaded his blows again and again. Iatamexican was getting exhausted. This was his plan. He'd exhaust the hell out of Iateamexican, then impale him when he's too tired. Eventually, Iatamexican was impaled by Ted Bundy's dick, right in the shoulder.
Meanwhile, E-lord and Iateamexican's daughter got out of the car, and they end up near a hardware store; a very masculine place, Ted Bundy would not suspect that Iateamexican's daughter would be there. However, they heard a noise. E-lord went to check it out. There were zombies! But not just any zombies; SEX ZOMBIES! They were the result of when Ted Bundy stopped his fuck about halfway through. E-lord ran back into the hardware store, and told Iateamexican's daughter of the situation. They got out their weapons, and prepared to fight for their lives!
Iateamexican was dying... he was exhausted and losing a lot of blood... will this be the end? Ted Bundy chuckled. "I thought you'd be harder than this, Iateamexican... but I guess you're just another disappointment." Suddenly, Ted Bundy was impaled with Iateamexican's dick. "Same here." Iatamexican added. Ted Bundy dropped to the ground, his penis shrunk to only 3 inches. "Nice job, kid. You beat me. Don't think that this is over yet though. You're losing a lot of blood, and all other males are dead, other than e-lord. And female doctors in the area fled, because I chased 'em off. Why? Because I plan ahead. See you in hell." With that, Ted Bundy closed his eyes, and died. Iateamexican limped away...
E-lord shot at the sex zombies many times, but at the odds of 100 to 2, they didnt stand much chance. He made sure to shoot for the head. Iatamexican's daughter was a pussy though, and barely killed one. She "didn't wanna be a murderer", despite e-lord saying that these poeple aren't human anymore. While he was talking to her, the sex zombies got him. E-lord struggled, but soon gave into his primal urges and they had their way with him, eventually turning him into another sex zombie.
"I WILL AVENGE MASTERS DICK!" E-lord screamed, as he lunged for Iateamexican's daughter.
Iateamexican managed to limp out of his house, leaving a trail of blood behind. He saw the remains of Mechabloby's corpse, and used up Mecha's remaining skin to heal his wounds. To make sure the skin stayed there he stapled and superglued it on. He got in the second car, and tried to find male survivors.
Iateamexican's daughter was horrified. She tried to run away, but she was cornered. She backed away into a wall, and slipped on some cum. She accidentally fired a pistol at one of the sex zombie's heads. She realized that killing feels so good. She shot all of the zombie's in the most badass way. And the very last sex zombie she killed was e-lord. After she killed him, she shed many tears.
Iateamexican went to a very masculine place; a hardware store. When he went out of the car, he first noticed his OTHER car was parked here too! The next thing he found were many corpses of zombies. Then he noticed the cum everywhere. Finally, he heard his daughter crying, the last living family member other than himself. He noticed e-lord's corpse, and shed a tear for his loss. Iateamexican's daughter told him what happened to e-lord and the zombies, and Iateamexican told her about Iatamexican's wife, and Ted Bundy. They got in a car, and drove away to their house. When he got back there, he managed to find many women, they knew of what happened to Bundy, and these woman are ready to, shall we say.... REPRODUCE! Iateamexican knocked up all of the women there, and put population growth to a standstill, and the population is what it once was. And Iatamexican lived VERY happily ever after.
Then one of iateamexican's lovers, MinusNick, popped up and said, "Hello good sirs!" Immediately, a giant penis grew out of his and flew over to iateamexican's dead sister's corpse, and started screwing it with the force of one thousand suns. Then he exploded from chronic sneezing and diarrhea.
Or.. is it?
*gasp* It turns out that IrishGun was NOT iateamexican's alt! He put on the beta suit from TimeShift, got the sands of time and un-swallowed him. iateamexican was GITTIN ANGREH for not having the power of two accounts! And so, there was an epic battle!
iateamexican used Mexican Chilli and shoved it down his throat. IrishGun is now burning. While he is burning, he touches iateamexican. HE is now burning, but the fire has no effect! IrishGun kicks him in the groin, iateamexican falls on his side in slow motion! He then gets out a gun, but iateamexican threw another chilli at him! Then they somehow end up in space, and went into mid-air combat. iateamexican calls aliens to help him, but IrishGun gets a space rocket to come into space and hit iateamexican, though the plan failed, and it hit IrishGun instead. Iateamexican thought: "OWND", little did he know, IrishGun was still alive! He sees a huge beam of light, rockets into Earth, and is lying on the ground! IrishGun puts his foot on his chest, holds out a chilli, only to discover that iateamexican has vanished!
He turns around to see iateamexican, pointing a gun at his head, in the Alpha suit, but, being the arrogantly handsome fool he was, iateamexican shot IrishGun and reversed time, creating a paradox, where IrishGun was dead, but had never been shot..
As the fabric of the universe began to tear itself apart around iateamexican, he activated a manual Timeshift, jumping into a different timeline, just as the previous one imploded.
Iatemexican felt something odd deep inside his bowels, the feeling spread to his ass. In a matter of seconds fat barry had slid out of Iatemexican's ass and was lying on the flow in a puddle of shit gasping for air. Iatemexican opened his mouth to speak but before he could fat-barry yelled: "No time, explain later"
Suddenly, Chuck Norris fell from the sky and he said: "Im teh Scatman!" and exploded into thousands of bits. the bits eventually came down and walked away towards the sunset where Zerok was eating a BananaBreadMuffin and Zerok said:" Oh noes! They is gonna steal teh Cadny!" He then used 250 of his Mana Points to summon SHOOP DA WHOOP who eventually swallowed his laser and damaged TomFulps lifepoints by three internets. For no reason whatsoever, iateamexican appeared and he said:"Fucking Giddy-up!" and he rode on pspmad into the big hole in Time. He came out in E-Baumsworld and wanted to commit suicide because he found out that WadeFulp was Anonymous and NG was legion. Since iateamexican had no banana peel to have a tragic "accident" so that no one will ever now he commited suicide, he just said "screw this!" and played Mega Man X 2. After that he took a big dump in the computer because he needed to GET THA BASICS DAWN! Suddenly the Universe collapsed because God said "I ain´t takin no shit from you!" and iateamexican found himself, face to face, with Darth Vader. Then War was beginning because it was already A.D. 2101.
Also, LOLZILLA was there.
This just in: Some stay dry and others feel the pain.
More on that story later.
In lighter news, a Lollipop and puppy dog factory was the victim of a terrorist attack today.
One eyewitness said "It was inevitable, really".
Thank you for taking part in this Breaking News! drill.
If this had been a real Breaking News! report, something else would probably have happened.
In a recent study, we discovered that my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and though 98% agreed that it was better than yours, 2% still belive that if I teach you, i'll have to charge.
I maded a header, which took fucking ages to resize to exactly 770 pixels in paint.
Damn you Tom!